When reviewing my past year, I can't help but compare how I feel now to how I felt exactly one year ago. My emotions were all over the place then; but now I feel much more stable and consistently happy. I guess there are a lot of reasons for this change, and I'm going to list them, for organization's sake and just because I like making lists.
-New job
Working at Starbucks has been an adventure. Making drinks for people is much more rewarding than selling toys, which is what I had been doing for two years. Don't get me wrong, there have been many times I've wanted to chunk 20 ounces of 200 degree coffee at a customer, but overall it has made me stronger and I know I've grown from it. Starbucks has tested my limits, and I'm proud to say I've survived the challenge.
-Good friends
Of course I've gotta give a shout out to those whose company I so enjoy. There are some amazing people in my life that I am so lucky to call my buddies. I have felt very fulfilling connections to my close friends and I wouldn't trade their friendship for anything.
-Loving parents
I've realized the immeasurable importance of someone you can call at any time. My mom is ALWAYS there for me; to take me to lunch, offer unfailing advice, or just to stay on the phone with me while I cry (or yell). My dad is probably the most singular man I know. He doesn't conform to anything unless he truly likes or enjoys it, and I love him so much for that fact. He is an amazing, well-respected mechanic and has never let our family down. I am so grateful that my parents love each other enough to have stayed together. My life would be so much different if it weren't for their example.
-Independence
This may seem silly to some people, but I've proved to myself that I don't need no man in my life to make me happy. I am perfectly capable of keeping myself happy. Darn straight. That is all I shall say on the subject.
-Music
Another one that may not seem very important, but music has definitely pulled some emotions out of me lately that I didn't know were there. Imagine: It's warm, sunny, I'm walking to class and have Fleet Foxes blaring on my iPod. That's some genuine happiness right there.
-iPhone
Self-explanatory.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Summer '09
I want to talk a bit about this past summer, or as I've been calling it, the Life Changing Summer. The beginning of summer marked the start of my new job, which meant meeting new people, adapting to new rules and stress levels, and just overall change. I also went to Europe for a month, which definitely had an impact on my life. During this trip I was forced to be around people I would've rather not been around. I won't go into detail, but laaawd there were times the Italian sunset just didn't quite make up for it. Despite that unfortunate facet of the trip, it was wonderful to stay with the Degenhardt family in the beautiful city of Münster and sing in so many beautiful churches and cathedrals. I'm so grateful for that opportunity, especially when I think of how many people have never been out of the country.
The next aspect of my summer is a little difficult to enunciate. Losing my only sibling has been one of the most confusing battles I've faced yet. Not only do I miss Corey, but I absolutely hate thinking that I'll never get to see him overcome the problems he had. I'll never see him get married or become a father, and I know without a doubt he would have been such a great daddy. He and I will never get to talk about how senile our parents are becoming.
I just have to remind myself that he's gone. It's been easy to push it to the back of my mind and just let myself get caught up in my busy life, but sometimes it sneaks up on me and takes over for a bit. I didn't think I would have to deal with something this momentous for years, so it was very strange for me to go to my own brother's funeral and be hugged by all of these people I hadn't seen since I was 12. I guess I kind of felt like I was going through the motions, just doing everything that's expected of someone who just lost a loved one. I appreciated everyone telling me, "Really, if there's ANYTHING you need, don't hesitate to call", but I mean, come one, I've talked to you like twice in the past year. Do you seriously think I'm going to call you in the middle of the night when I'm crying? From my personal experience, there's really nothing that anyone can say. Really.
So I guess that's all I wanted to say. I've gotten down all of the thoughts that have been swarming around for a while. Maybe I ended on a downer, but hey, this is my blog, I do what I want. Doing this has given me some perspective, and that's why I did this in the first place. Here's to hoping 2010 will be another year of growth and happiness.
Did I mention I'm going to Spain soon?
Happy new year, y'all.
-cait
