Disclaimer:
I watched "The Last Kiss" the other day. Enough said.
I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships. The romantic kind. My past relationships obviously didn't work and didn't need to work out, and I'm glad they're over and I'm glad they happened because of what I learned about myself and what I want. But I get so discouraged when I hear of so many marriages ending in divorce, with children involved, with pasts, with good times and memories and feelings and habits and romance.
I'm becoming a realist in my thoughts about love. The idea of a soul mate didn't make it very far with me, even when I was young and still obsessed with NSYNC. If you really think about it, nearly any two people can be successful together if both are truly willing to work for it. If both are dedicated and have the patience and desire to go the distance with one person. I'm sure there are hundreds of guys I could potentially be successful with, but I'm most likely going to end up with someone that is from the same area of the world as I am, probably from the same state, maybe even the same city. For me that thought totally sucks the magic out of love.
And what is love, really? Is it dedication to a single person? Is there anything physical involved, or is that just what sparks the initial interest? I wish I spoke a language that has multiple words for the different types of love, because I feel we generalize it. It's just a word, a blanket word that covers all these very different emotions. How am I supposed to figure out if I truly love a guy? Am I supposed to miss him when he's away from me? Am I supposed to hurt if he were to leave me? Because that just sounds like I'm used to his presence, that he has become part of my life. I've been single for a while now and I don't really experience much hurt or pain. So do I even need anyone? If I'm doing just fine by myself, why mess it up? Why take yet another risk with a guy that could potentially have a successful relationship with hundreds of other girls?
I get very discouraged when I think about the pain I felt when my past relationships ended. It sucked so bad. I felt like half a person for months. I had lost myself, and was forced to rediscover who I was. I don't think I've ever felt true love, because I think that if I had then I'd be missing the person I felt it for, but I don't miss any one. If it was love, then it faded. And if love can fade after a relationship ends, why can't it fade during a relationship? I think it can. And that scares me.
I don't ever want to hear someone tell me "You just know." That just sounds like a load of delusional fairy tale garbage.
What about trust? How will you know when your significant other is being honest or dishonest with you? Blind trust. Wise trust? I don't know. I have an issue with trust because I'm paranoid that I'm being duped. And paranoia like that will most definitely sabotage a relationship. I know from experience.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
This is me, ranting.
Has anyone tried honey bunches of oats with cinnamon clusters? SO good.
